March 16, 1979, a Cerebral palsy child was born. Looking back to my childhood days, I thought this disorder was the only agony I am carrying. But it is not! because the most miserable illness I have is having a family who treated me so badly, as if, I don’t have emotion. I may not have movement and motor skills that functioned well; I may have a speech disorder, I may need someone’s hand to feed me because I cannot do it on my own, but the thing I have that made me human — is my emotion.
Like a normal child who still doesn’t know everything, I always poo poo in my bed. I can still remember the time when my mother came back from the market and she saw me making the room stinky, she scolded me and she beats me with cane until my whole body was filled with my own blood, and all I can do — was to cry….
About my father, every night, he let me to walk on 20 feet walker for 20 rounds until midnight, at times, I felt so tired and there was a time that I can’t stand the pain, I was so tired so I went in the room but suddenly he woke me up and he dragged me to the bathroom and he put my head into a drum full of water trying to drown me holding my head down in the water over and over again because he wanted me to walk 20 rounds but I can’t, it’s even hard for me to took 10 rounds of walk because I felt my legs were broken into pieces because of pain.
That time I questioned God why did He let a kid suffer much? I even came to a point that I questioned HIS creation, why did HE created me with this situation?
That time, I really don’t know what is the meaning of “HOME” because just like a ball, which was passed from ones hand to another, on and off, my grandma took me from my parent’s house and let me stay with her. There was that day when my father and mother whipped me with belt and cane – one after another- until my body was filled again with blood. Suddenly, my grandmother, who I used to call “mama”, came to see me and she asked my parents where is “johny boy”?, they both said that john went to school…. I heard mama’s voice and I forced my mouth to utter sounds to call her “mama! mama! help me! help me!” And when she opened the door, she saw me lying down with bruised on my body. She was very shocked and asked my mother why did they do that to me… And she took me away from them, I was 5 years old then.
After 2 years of staying with my grandmother, who treated me very well, my parents took me back again because a doctor asked my mother if they will let me undergo for a legs operation and despite my “mama” disagreed the said operation, my parents grabbed the opportunity to say YES to the Doctor hoping that it would be the cure for me to walk normally.
1986, I was 7 years old then when I underwent for the legs operation and after the operation, the doctor put a cast on my legs, I was carrying that cast for 6 months and that was the reason that I cannot stay on my “mama’s” house because it would be hard for her to take care of me and having with me those casts on my legs, she cannot carry me easily. Prior to the operation, I was still able to walk for few steps. But after the operation, the whole situation got worst, I CAN NO LONGER WALK…. Every night, my parents forced me to walk and same thing! They whipped my back and kept on hurting me many times because I cannot do what they wanted me to do.
2 years later, I was 9 years old then, a Malaysian woman came and talked to my mother and said to her that if they will let me go with her to Malaysia and lived there with her, she will provide treatments for me there.. Without hesitation, and without asking me if I want to go with that woman and live in Malaysia, my parents agreed immediately. All I can do that time was to cry….. But I don’t know who told my “mama” that I supposed to leave that. She came to our house and asked my mother if she was giving me away. My mother could not answer directly, so mama asked her for my things and took me out from there at 2pm, an hour before the Malaysian woman came to fetch me. Since then, I am living very happy with my grandmother. She sent me to school in 1994. My school was scheduled on morning so she woke up at 5am to prepare my food and assisted me to dress up for school. We live simple life every day. We find difficult time paying my monthly school fees and bus fares but the LORD was our great provider.
May 2006, this was the moment when I accepted Jesus in my heart as my personal Saviour and my Lord. Since then, I started to look on myself on how God looked at me. After the pains and hurts that I went through with my own parents, the LORD still made a way for me to be free from those bondages — > the bondage from the physical abuse, the bondage of hating myself and thinking that I never had a value on this earth, the bondage from hatred and hurts towards my family because of what they did to me, and most of all the bondage that hinders me to see how GOD fearfully and wonderfully made me through HIS own image and likeness. . Without the LORD’s help, maybe I’m already in Malaysia, or maybe because of those lashes I got from the whips of my parents belt and cane, I may not longer see the beauty of God’s creation in me. And I believe that being a cerebral palsy patient will never a hindrance of receiving GOD’s overflowing blessing.
At this moment of time, I lift everything to GOD, forgiveness and love for my family.
I praise the LORD for HIS power of fixing this broken heart…..
God has saved me
Thank You God
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